Every holiday season, Angel Trees appear around church foyers, community centers and stores everywhere. They’re there to serve as quiet reminders that not every family is fortunate enough to wake up with stacks of presents or homes full of holiday cheer this season. The tradition of Angel Trees is simple. First, you pick a child’s tag from the tree, buy gifts catered to that person and lastly drop it off back at the tree’s location to spread some kindness. This year, the trees have been going viral for other reasons.

Oftentimes, the trees gain a lot of publicity through influencers posting their take on the trees and them giving back. Although it is always a kind deed, many people argue that when a good deed, such as helping the less fortunate, cleaning up the roads or donating to charities, is posted to social media, it causes it to have less of an impact. When people are posting their good deeds to social media, they’re oftentimes gaining revenue in return, so they end up making their money back while seeming to be doing it out of the kindness of their hearts.

A spark of the controversy came from a post by the user “itscookiedoughh” on TikTok. She was documenting the shopping for one boy and one girl from the Angel Tree. For the particular program she was buying for, their minimum spending limit was $30. She and her husband declared that amount to be their budget. What followed was not generosity but rather judgment directed at things like the kids’ wishes for the holidays, their parents and the idea of charity in general. The video caused a lot of harsh criticism from viewers with how annoyed the women seemed to be doing the bare minimum. She complained the wishes were “too expensive” and “too specific.” She also just chose to opt out of some of the tag requests altogether and get them an alternative, unlike their requests.

Every item gifted is a huge blessing. Many people had problems with what she did because these gifts are not a required thing, so if you don’t want to put forth the effort and love into the gifts, it can oftentimes make it harder on the families who applied for this help. If people don’t take it seriously, then it leaves kids feeling like they were forgotten.

For the kids behind the tags, it can feel like a slap in the face. They never asked to have their stories posted online. Many of these families were simply looking for some hope. The video was later deleted and the account was turned private, but there was no undoing what they had done.

With so much controversy in the world today, it feels as though social media is turning charity into a spectacle. It’s becoming a world where giving back and “doing good” are being exploited for the sake of gaining more likes, followers and online praise. Is it really still kindness if you’re subjecting the people involved to judgment or criticism?

This does not mean that the Angel Tree programs are flawed. Each year, countless families are helped and given hope. For them, these trees mean surprise, generosity and relief during the holiday season.

Good deeds don’t need to be spread throughout social media or done only to earn you praise. The best things are done when not being rated, watched or monetized. They should be done with integrity and done out of the kindness of your own heart. If you can’t afford to do big things like the angel trees, there are many other ways to give back during the holidays.

Some ways to give back if you don’t have enough to spend on a full Angel Tree haul: donating to food or toy drives and creating homemade holiday cards for people who would appreciate them most. Little things like donating your time to places like food pantries, soup kitchens or holiday meal services can help greatly. The gift of presence is important as well.  The simplest gift of just being there for someone can be worth more than any money for many.