So, there were no new video games this month, and I was stuck watching horrible chick flicks with my girlfriend. The one that stuck out the most was “The Last Song.” Before I even started the movie, I read the synopsis and could already tell what was going to happened from beginning to end. Here is a guide from me to all you guys out there forced to watch bad chick flicks with your girlfriends. *SPOILER ALERT* If you’re holding out to see this movie, then don’t continue reading because I’m about to tell you the whole plot. The movie starts out with Hannah Montana going to live with her dad in Florida. I didn’t really understand why because in the show her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, lived in California. Anyway, don’t question it because the girl you’re watching it with understands, so just don’t worry. When Hannah gets there she seems so depressed, and everyone keeps calling her Ronnie. I never heard anyone call her that; before, it was either Miley or Hannah. She’s just walking around the beach; then wait for it… And what do you know? There’s a couple guys playing volleyball on the beach. Out of nowhere the one accidentally spills a smoothie all over Hannah. I never would have seen that coming. Now when you’re watching this, don’t make any comments like that out loud. That will just make your lady friend mad, and no one wants that. So this half-naked guy, Will, is trying to apologize to Hannah and buy her a new shirt, but she is just being so mean to him. I mean if I was her I’d get him to buy me new shirt; I mean come on girls. Turns out that half naked guy trying to buy Miley a new shirt is the same one she ends up falling in love with later on in the movie. I don’t know about you, but I would have never guessed that. It’s now nighttime in Florida and Hannah is still at the beach. If I was her dad, I’d be worried sick. In any event, she finally decides to get a new shirt. While she is picking her new top out, Hannah runs into this girl who looks like a drug addict. In literally two seconds the two of them are acting like best friends. The drug addict takes Hannah to get a new shirt, then under the boardwalk to have a little party. Hannah and her new friend know more about each other in two hours than I know about my girlfriend of two years. I imagine it is somewhere around midnight when Hannah finally goes home for the night. I don’t know what it is, but Hannah has been mad the first 20 minutes of this movie. When she gets home, her dad kindly asked where she was, and she gets all mad and freaks out. I bet I could write the same movie and the story wouldn’t change one bit if you make Hannah smile a little. It’s morning now, and Hannah has been in Florida for two days and hasn’t eaten once yet. She just skips breakfast and takes a walk on the beach. When she’s down there, she sees a baby turtle nest and a raccoon eating the eggs. So she scares the raccoon away and spawns a shopping cart out of nowhere to put over top of the nest. Then she calls the aquarium, so they can send someone down to their house and take care of the turtles. After that huge ordeal, Hannah goes to town to buy a book about turtles, and guess who’s there… wait for it… it’s that same half-naked volleyball player, except this time he is wearing what looks to be like a mechanic’s outfit. They run into each other again and the boy gets Hannah to tell him her name. Again she says her name is Ronnie. It is nighttime again, finally someone from the aquarium shows up, and guess who it is. This half-naked mechanist/volleyball player/marine biologist does it all. I mean does this kid really have time for a girlfriend right now? Hannah feels the need to sleep outside by the turtle nest to ward off any attacking raccoons. One raccoon does come during the night, and when it does Hannah is afraid and runs off into the house. I don’t get it. She chased one off before, but this time it scared her? It doesn’t make sense to me, but once again it makes sense to the girl you’re watching this with, so don’t make fun. In fact, this is a perfect time to score some points with the lady friend. If you pretend like you’re scared, then your lady friend will think that is cute, and love you even more for it. One thing I noticed about this movie is that Hannah has some huge teeth. It’s like ridiculously unnatural looking. I Googled it, and some people are defending her, saying ‘No, her teeth are real,’ and others are saying, ‘Yup, she has fake teeth alright.’ Anyway, the story continues. Hannah’s friend, the drug addict named Blaze, put something in Hannah’s purse, and she is caught shoplifting. There is a whole big scene, but I wasn’t paying attention. For the second night now Hannah is sleeping by the turtles, except this time the marine biologist is there too. Who would have guessed? So there are a couple of awkward glances back and forth, and that’s when Hannah realizes she might like him. Blah blah blah, the story goes on, and they unofficially start dating. Hannah meets Will’s parents, and is invited to Will’s sister’s wedding; it turns out Will is rich. At the wedding, Blaze is working as a caterer. Then Blaze’s boyfriend comes and makes trouble at the wedding, but don’t worry, Will to the rescue. Will’s parents kick Hannah out. Here’s a perfect opportunity for you as a guy. All you have to say is, “I’m so glad my parents like you.” Your lady friend will love that. That night, the turtles hatch. The baby turtles are actually quite cute. But then Hannah’s dad collapses; he has lung cancer. Hannah spends the night in the hospital, and has yet to change out of the dress she wore to the wedding earlier. That’s the end of summer, basically. The mother comes to pick up Hannah and her brother, but she demands to stay. Hannah stays with her dad and Will disappears, just because summer is over. I don’t understand it. Sadly the dad dies from his lung cancer, and guess who shows up at the funeral after disappearing. Now here is another opportunity for the guys out there. If you pretend to cry, and then try to hide it, but let your lady friend see, she’ll like you even more. And that’s it; the movie just ends out of nowhere. I guess she’s off to college, but I don’t know. The movie just stops playing. I guess it makes sense to the ladies watching, but not to us guys. Either way, it was a pretty bad movie.