Everyone remembers the terror that the boogeyman struck in us as children. While our parents tried to calm our nerves if we got out of hand, we knew what the truth was: if we didn’t stay in bed, we’d be dead. I’ve had a lot of experience in fighting the boogeyman. In efforts to bring an end about to this creature, I’ve begun collecting an array of ways to at least prolong the dreaded nightly battle. Many have met their end at the hand of the Boogeyman. Here are some tips to keep you and your loved ones safe from meeting this terrible fate. Don’t sleep alone. It’s always nice to have a cuddle buddy, but in this case, it’s life or death. Have someone that’s slower and can’t get away from him as fast as you can. It also helps if they taste better than you do. Keep your back-hand strong. Hopefully you’re strong enough to knock him out. If not, you’ll probably get eaten. If you do end up in a fight with him, be like Mike Tyson and take him down by the ears. Don’t sleep. Constantly keep a look out for the terrorizing man. It helps to have a motion-censored, high-powered spotlight and tons of energy shots. Get zombies and Superman as friends, and pray they answer your desperate calls and will have your back while you run. With any luck, your friends won’t be your kryptonite. By following these helpful tips, you yourself will be well on your way to surviving a dark night with the boogeyman. Good luck.