As winter rolls around, the time comes for students and their families to begin preparing for the holiday season. Families celebrate this season in various ways, some of which are quite odd if you really sit and ponder them for a second.
Many students’ families celebrate by decorating a Christmas tree. Why on Earth would anyone put a tree in their house? Who’s idea was it to kill a tree, bring it into their home and expect it not to die for a month? Did they think hanging colorful, glass balls from the branches would keep it from its soon-approaching demise? Let’s put a porcupine of a tree inside of a house. Did we forget that these trees leave literal needles everywhere they go? You shake this tree once and your carpet is covered in daggers. Merry Christmas! Here are some spines in your socks!
Another strange holiday tradition is decorating gingerbread houses. It sounds like fun– you get to build houses with your food and then enjoy some candy at the end. Wrong; you don’t eat it at all. You watch your candy go stale day after day throughout the whole holiday season. Then, once the season is over, you throw that creation in the trash. You can’t eat it without breaking a tooth, but you can’t keep it without it starting to go bad. What a complete and total waste. Unless you use your old Halloween candy to make said gingerbread house, this tradition makes zero sense.
The next totally pointless tradition is the Elf on a Shelf. Get this: a stuffed doll is purchased for parents to hide around their house for their kids to find each morning. Just look at it though, because if you touch it, the elf loses its magic and won’t be able to move anymore. Don’t worry kids, just whatever you do don’t touch the stuffed Santa spy. It’s reporting back to Santa your every move. You’re under constant surveillance. This may seem unfair to you since the elf will occasionally cause a little bit of mischief in your own home without consequences, but it’s all in good fun so who cares? Just don’t cause the same mischief because the elf is always watching you. How does it feel to be less respected in your own home than a doll in bright red tights?
Don’t even get me started on the Christmas Pickle. Who thought this was a good idea? What does a pickle have anything to do with the holiday season? So you’re telling me that if I find this Christmas pickle, Saint Nick is going to grant me good fortune in the upcoming year? All because I found a pickle in the dead tree in my house? What about that statement sounds even the slightest bit logical? Pickle in dead houseplant leads to glorious wealth, got it?
All I have to say is do whatever it takes for you and your family to enjoy one another’s company and the break from your busy schedule. Go hang glass bulbs in that soon-to-be-dead tree that appeared in your house. Who knows, you could find a pickle in there. Go make art with your food, just don’t let that creepy spy in spandex see you eat it.