A few weeks ago, Ambridge School District had an unfortunate encounter that led to a lockdown in our school. As the attendance office called an absent student’s phone, it went to voicemail. I’m assuming school officials saw the horror on her face when she mistakenly heard the student singing about “shootin’ some people outside of the school.” Personally, I’m more worried about the woman who misheard the call. The boy was singing “shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school.” The only people who don’t know the lyrics of the “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” theme song are those who died before 1990. Soon, the school will be evacuated because I forgot to change my voicemail from me singing “Who Let the Dogs Out.” There will be students running through the halls screaming. “The drug dogs are loose! The drug dogs are loose! I heard Taylar McCoy’s voicemail, and she said so!” Boom, I guess I should be put in handcuffs. How dare I sing a song from 1998 on my own voicemail! The audacity. After that, things will get even worse. DTV will be playing music in the hallways on an innocent spring morning and “Smells like Teen Spirit” will come blaring through the corridors. Instead of acting like normal teens and tapping our fingertips against our leg in rhythm to the guitar strumming, people will run terrified to the football field. When asked why the students were so frightened, they would all say “Dude, when they announced the song before it played, they said ‘Smells like tellurium hexafluoride’ and that stuff can kill you, man.” To get rid of the confusion, we should ban all music from school. No iPods, no CDs. Why do we even need music? You may argue that music gives you joy. Unfortunately, we don’t care about your joy; we care about your safety.